I’m starting to realize I may be suffering from an acute multiple personality disorder. Two sides counteract each other in a battle for my ears every day. One is obsessed with collecting vinyl LP’s and the other incessantly downloads illegal music. The duality of these two psyche maintain a delicate balance like a yin and yang. I’m so frustrated with the speed of my life and how everything happens so god damn fast; Listening to vinyl is the only thing that can slow down time and bring me back to Earth. In the words of Gonzo, “Too much too fast, man…”

All the mystery in music has been lost. As I sit and hold the records bequeathed unto me or that I bought in a store, I understand I know less about the artists that came before compared to the staples of my own generation. Who are these people on the back of these record sleeves? Where did they get such cool hair? Knowing less is actually more it seems. Having less secondary information available allows me to focus more on the actual music.

I can find out where every member from the buzz band of the week went to school, were born, and where they work in less than 20 seconds. 20 seconds is the magical number. If anything takes longer than that it’s taking too long. I’m irritated if it takes longer than 20 seconds to illegally download an album from an artist I’ll never give a fuck about. I’ll never buy their album. Right now as I type these very words, they too possess a certain trivial quality and are as disposable as the millions of opinions that inundate our computer screens at an unprecedented rate. I’ll listen to 20 seconds of every song and send it to straight to the recycle bin. I’m not proud of myself for becoming that way, but at the same time I’m a product of my environment. It’s not my fault, right? I’m detached from the reality that an actual person made the music. It may be their life’s work and I just stole it, shit on it, wiped my nose with it and threw it away faster than it takes to get a sausage biscuit at a McDonald’s drive-thru.

Has the “right here, right now” attitude accelerated human progress, but decelerated certain aspects of our lives that take time to develop? A record sits on my shelf right now that no one has listened to for 35 years. One day I’ll walk to the shelf and my hand will reach for that record for no particular reason. I’ll pull the black disc out of its sleeve and place it on the turntable. In 25 minutes I’ll have to get up off my ass and flip it over. It may become my new favorite album, but that sort of thing takes time. The planets have to align and the gods have to smile at the right moment. As two perpendicular universes cross each other, it only takes a month for a band who has never even released an album to become more popular than Elvis. How do these new bands get popular so quick? Are these people even famous and do they deserve the credit? Maybe the safest way to keep downloaders from stealing your product is to not even release one. Not having an album is the best new album of the year apparently. If you don’t have an album it’s pretty hard for anyone to steal it.

So much shit gets flushed through my high-speed internet connection all at once that it’s a miracle I even have time to absorb any of it. If I didn’t have so much music at my disposal, would I have such fastidious tastes? Would I expect less of artists and settle for something that’s just decent or mediocre? If downloading an album took longer, would I appreciate it more? I have the ability to imagine a particular sound in my mind and then pluck it out of the infinite digital abyss. It’s there waiting for me and maybe like the record that sat on my shelf for years, there’s a link to a download out there I haven’t clicked yet. One day I will click that link and it will become my new favorite album.

I’ll admit I’m obsessed with hearing every single note of music ever recorded by every artist. I don’t care what it is. I need to have digital albums for the sake of having them. Like some people collect coins, I amass terabytes of music. I will download an album and never listen to it, but I need the comfort of knowing it is there if I want it. I was able to get the music for free and there is some sort of deeply rooted addiction that is fulfilled when I get it. Like a heroin addict that doesn’t even feel the drug coursing through their veins anymore; putting the needle in their arm as fast as possible; getting back to normal. Here I am clicking, pointing and dragging my mind into its own proverbial recycle bin.

Am I even hearing the music I download? Are my ears numb to sound? They must not be because there’s a part of me that’s infatuated with listening to my vinyl collection. I’ll justify buying a $60 line conditioner and a $30 cable, hoping they’ll make my records sound better, but I won’t give new artists money unless I buy their vinyl. I’m glad I never gave these “flavor of the month” musicians any money because most of what I download is crap anyways. Remember the feeling of going to the store, dropping $15 on a CD and being so disappointed if it sucked? It’s been a long time since I’ve had that happen, probably 10 years, and I’ve successfully safeguarded myself from that feeling for forever. Now I’m annoyed if I waste a second of my time to download an album that I’ll have to dig through my terabytes of music to find again and delete. What a hassle.

There are no rules for how someone should listen to music. If you want to be the guy that only listens to 20 seconds of every song on an album before writing the band off for good, go ahead; I’m guilty as well. However, balance seems to be the key. Whether you illegally download albums or actually pay for them, take some time to slow down, smell the musical roses and let things soak in. Your favorite album could be sitting in your recycle bin right now.